Millions of books discuss marriage. Whether you’re discerning your ‘love language’ or seeking the ‘5 simple steps’ to a great marriage, you have many books to choose from.
Popular Christian authors John and Stasi Eldredge added another entry to the mix by releasing “Love and War” (Doubleday, hardback, 240 pages). The Eldredge’s have previously written bestselling works on masculine and feminine spiritualities, “Wild at Heart” and “Captivating”, respectively. In “Love and War”, they’ve combined many of their previous themes to produce a unique book on marriage.
Martial relationships exist within the grand epic of God. This great story features a Hero who rescues the world from death, redeeming the entire cosmos. On a smaller scale, marriages act out this same plot. Spouses engage in a mission to bring each other to full life, protecting them from attack and destruction.
To draw marriages into this grand story, the Eldredge’s identify three essentials: find life in God, deal with brokenness, and learn to shut down spiritual attacks against your marriage.
The Eldredge’s book covers many traditional marital topics—such as companionship, sex, and communication–but approaches them differently than most marriage books. For instance, the chapter “How to Have a Really Good Fight” doesn’t advocate the avoidance of argument or the passive acceptance of conflict. It instead looks to the grander story of God for the real source of conflict, seeing a dark evil at play. The Eldredge’s see this evil, the demonic force Jesus called “the Enemy”, as the true foe of marriage. The enemy is not your spouse. The enemy is Satan.
“Love and War” differs from most other martial books in this understanding. Other books claim that the root problems of marriage lie primarily within—within either you or your spouse. John and Stasi teach that the origin of evil lies beyond you, attacking you incessantly from outside. This evil force works on our inherent weaknesses to provide problems within marriage. In this understanding marriage is not a safe endeavor, but one under constant spiritual siege.
Once the Eldredge’s began praying intently against this Enemy, they experienced renewed intimacy. They shared a common mission against a common foe. And few things are more unitive and life-giving than a shared adventure.
James Thurber once said that, “The most dangerous food is wedding cake.” John and Stasi see marriage as a joyous, but dangerous entrance into both love and war.
At times, “Love and War” proposes generalizations about men and women. These rare statements–like “every man…” or “all women…”–distance the reader if the premise doesn’t apply to them. It is difficult to write a general book on marriage for millions of unique relationships, so these instances are understandable.
Overall, “Love and War” offers one of the most holistic and honest presentations of marriage I’ve encountered. Instead of focusing on the practical issues of married life, the book lifts awareness to the greater larger story at play. Petty conflicts dissolve as marriage melts into the greater story being told.
“Love in War” was written primarily for married people, but I believe it would be valuable especially for those with marriage on the horizon. I have already bought extra copies of the book to give out as wedding gifts—I think that highly of it.
Pope John Paul II famously remarked, “As marriage goes, so goes the world”. If he is right, then healthy marriages concern us all. If you want to dive into the depths of the marriage story, I strongly recommend “Love and War”.
(For a sample, click here to read the first chapter of the book.)